In April, 2007 I wrote an article “Failing Forward — The Price of Success.” In the article I said, “The Manager berated our sales rep for not returning his calls, lack of product knowledge, etc; he simply didn’t like her.” As I stated later in the same article, “Her initial failure had made her a more effective listener.”

A friend of 30+ years emailed me the following thoughts in response to the same article:

“Please take me off your mailing list. As you are aware that I have had years of management responsibility and to read how you criticized your employee openly as you have done in your article is not acceptable. Art, for a man of your stature and responsibilities, you should know better. The proper term should have been “salesperson.” It is apparent to me … who “her” is … and I resent this implication towards her. She is one of the finest distributor sales persons I ever have worked with and she deserves better. What where you thinking????”

I was shocked at the email and sent him this response:

“Thanks for your thoughts on the article. I respect [the rep] and would never want to hurt her. In respect to your response, I went back and re-read the article several times and now I realize that the message might have come across in a belittling way.”

I told him how much I valued his friendship over the years, and thanked him for caring enough to tell me how he honestly felt. I was deeply troubled, and I realized how much more it may have hurt the rep. His critical response will encourage me to become a more sensitive writer.

I have since called the rep to personally apologize and can only pray that she knows my true intent was never to hurt anyone. I also made a public apology to her in front of our sales team. In his book, Failing Forward, John Maxwell’s fifth step to failing forward is “change your response to failure by accepting responsibility.” He suggests taking three steps:

1. Take a hard look at a very recent failure that you considered not to be your fault.

2. Look at anything negative in the failure that you should claim responsibility for.

3. Then own it.

While the rep perceived that she had failed, my perception, which I explained to her, was that she hadn’t failed; the Manager just didn’t like dealing with women. Prejudice was his “baggage.” The Manager also called and apologized for his statements.

My initial response to the criticism of my article was anger at being attacked. Then I realized the rep must have felt the same way: betrayed by someone she trusted. Writing never gives the author the liberty to re-create a very painful experience for someone else to face anew. Again … to all parties I affected … I am VERY sorry.