A career-long blind spot
I learned later in life that the best salesperson I worked with in my 50-year career often felt I did not fully acknowledge or praise her success. We worked together in industrial sales in the 1980s and 1990s. At that time, sales was still largely a man’s world, which made her achievements even more remarkable, considering that she outperformed them all.
At our annual companywide business celebrations, I always praised her for exceptional performance, yet she still felt unappreciated by me. I did not realize that I was continually qualifying my praise of her with a “but …”. I learned many years later that praise followed by criticism never works.
Understanding the “but”
In my mid-70s, I set a goal to continue to engage with gifted mentors. One of those mentors recently reminded me of a book we read, The Rest of the Gospel: When the Partial Gospel Has Worn Out, by Dan Stone and David Gregory. That book made me realize that I often put inappropriate comments before and/or after a “but” when offering words of praise. To genuinely encourage someone and work toward a good solution, you need to work with that person’s specific circumstances. The key to doing this effectively is to carefully place your “but”, if it is necessary to use it at all.
In retrospect
Looking back, I can see that I would have been more effective and helpful by referencing opportunities for my colleague as part of my praise. I knew her abilities and should have discussed how they could be best applied to strategic solutions. The key to genuine praise is presenting encouragement either after the “but” or without a “but” at all.
Empower with praise
The placement of “but” in our feedback determines whether we deflate or empower. Praise followed by criticism (“You did great, but…”) erases the very success we claim to celebrate and leaves even top performers feeling unvalued. You need to reposition your “buts” so that the focus is on solutions and not just encouragement. In this way, you can transform your leadership from unintentional discouragement into genuine development. Make people feel truly appreciated for both their achievements and their potential.
Get tips and tricks like the above in The Art of Sales books. Or subscribe to the FREE monthly articles here.